My Roller-Coaster Ride

Que Sara Sara

I was told that I always put up a strong front
I act all strong, stubborn and head strong
The reason is simply so that no one can see the person that I am
I don't like to express myself
I hate to allow people to see my weakness or that I am capable of feeling vulnerable

.

Sometimes I wish I don't have to put up such a strong front
Sometimes I wish I can cry like a normal person
Innate me feels so weak and so fragile
So brittle that I can fall and break into many million pieces
I can't afford to do that...I won't be able to pick myself up again if I do

.

There are times when I wish I can express myself better
To say that actually it matters alot to me
Yet I know if my voice speaks out, it will fail to be steady
I don't want to complicate things more than it already is
Sometimes I wish I could be void of all feelings
So that when I am faced with sadness, hurt, pain, disappointment
I do not know it is them
Does ending it all make life a bit more easier
Or by living it through day by day makes one lose its feelings and be numb to the surrounding
There are so many consequences in life to think about
Life is simply so cruel that when one makes a choice
It seems like it will inevitably hurt an innocent party

.

I don't know what I wish to express in this post of mine
Too many things in my mind clouding my ability to write
Too many issues to face making me feel once again useless
I wonder why and how did I ever get myself implicated with emotions again
But when I am with him, these things do not seem to come into picture
Suddenly reality strikes again...the cold harsh truth has found its way to hit right in the face

.

I don't want to wish anymore
I don't want to hope anymore
Can I be selfish for once and say
I want things to happen right for once
I want things for us to be set straight so that we can move on together in life
But what if life has nothing planned for us but constant hurt, pain, deceit, disappointment
Then what should we be looking forward to?
Being honest to myself for one, I only want to look forward to spending my happiest times with you and to share my sadness with you...

.

"When I was young and fell in love,
I asked my lover,
What lies ahead
Will there be rainbow, day after day
This is what he said to me
Que sara sara,
What ever will be will be,
The future's not ours to see,
Que sara sara
What will be, will be"

.

A childhood song to remind me...let nature takes its course, we cannot see what the future lies ahead for us...live life to the fullest, take whatever comes in stride, be it happiness, sadness, disappointments...at least our time together will be my happiest moments I can ever have dream of...

Simply because I love you so...

Your breathing has become my source of music

The rhythm of your heartbeat echoes my existence in life

Your scent and presence keeps lingering in my mind

Security, warmth and comfort is how I feel when you are around

.

I love to be in your arms

Lying next to you

Feeling loved and wanted

I love to hear your monotonous voice

Whether lecturing or nagging me

It just shows how much I mean to you

Your occasional signs of affections

Makes me feel so comforted

Silly as it may sound,

You have made me feel like a little girl once again

.

Being a part of your life

Knowing I hold that little place in your heart

I tried to hide the key from you

Yet you managed to open the door to mine

Letting you in, allowing you to stir the feelings that I have for you

You are now part of my life

Securing that forbidden space in my once jaded heart

.

My love for you grew in time

As you guided me along life

I fell for you against my own free will

My resistance wavered and shattered

As we spent more time together

You slowly unpeel my layers of protection

Leaving me bare-naked

Making me feel vulnerable once again

Then you gave me something special

By offering your shade to me

.

I told myself over and over again

It didn't matter at all

Whether who is in your arms

As long as you had yours around mine every now and then

I didn't have expectations then

I shouldn't have expectations now

.

Suddenly it starts to hurt so bad

When it begins to matter to me

I stopped in my tracks and ponder

If your heart is with me when we are together

My breathing became irregular

When I wonder where your mind is lingering towards

What or who your mind is thinking of

My heartbeat pounding even harder

As if I am so afraid to know the truth if I ever asked

.

I don't like guessing games

Neither do I like games that involve feelings

I didn't mind being the second

Yet now the thought of it makes my heart ache

Why does it matter now

I can't answer you

What do I want from this

All I can say is, just take the pain away from me

.

We used to say the way things are now

Works well for us both

To a certain extent, yes I must agree

Our personality and character clashes this I know

Yet when you made this statement just the other day

It seems like you are trying to put me in my rightful place

.

I am not asking for more

I only wished you were tactful with your words and your actions

Without knowing, you did things to hurt me bad

These are times when the pain was so unbearable

I have to choke my tears back

Before you notice them flowing down my cheeks

There's no need for sweet-nothings

You didn't need to offer your commitment

You have no right to do so

And I have no right to ask for

.

Who am I to you

What does the future holds for us

Does your future even have a place for me to stay

For how long will that be

You once told me this

For as long as you remain standing

I love to stay under your shade

But until I can silence my pain

I wonder how long I can remain

.

To lose the battle and win the war

Or to win the battle and lose the war

The constant fighting between my heart and my head

I would say my heart is overriding any rational thoughts

I have lost the war

I am weak I must admit, there is no denial on my part

I wish I can remain sound asleep, oblivious to my surroundings

Lying in your arms, safe and warm

Without much thought to what will be tomorrow

Taking one day at a time

Enjoying and relishing our moments together

.

Whether I am selfish or naive

The decision lies in you

For this to end, it will be yours to make before I will let go

Yes, I am here to stay

I can't walk away

Simply because I love you so...

In the eyes of the mirror

In the eyes of the mirror

There I stand, looking at myself

Seeing my reflections

Staring at those eyes

Shows the pain, the confusion, the tears

In the eyes of the mirror

Reflecting the story that unveils bitterness and heartaches

.

I see the scenes playing right before my eyes

I see the main character rumbling into pieces

Doubling up in pain as if her chest has been ripped open

Her heart has been squashed and trampled upon a million times

She knows the situation, she knows the solution

It's because she knows the harsh truth

That's why she is tearing apart inside

.

The mirror never lies

The reflection shows only the truth

It was never entirely his fault

She has a part to play

It is the fate that's been denying her all along

The game she played that went fatefully wrong

That person was never meant to be hers

There was never a single glimpse of future in the beginning

It was doomed to end from the start

The beginning of the end which shouldn't have been played in the first place

.

She was satisfied with the status quo before

She was contented with what was given to her

Yet the expected has to be dawned onto her now

Now that she has given

Now that she has begun

Now that she has felt and loved

The reality really bites hard

The slap of the unwanted acknowledgement sting like a knife has been plunged into the heart

Slowly twisting and sucking the life out of her

.

People say the pain will go away eventually

She knows it will disappear underneath all that has been buried in her for years

But the initial torment, the torturous ride to hell and back can be oh so overwhelming

When the storm stops, and the sun will shine, rainbow should appear to brighten up the life

Her storm seems so strong; it looks like it's here to stay for awhile

Her rainbow only consists of the color of dull grey, darkest blue and blackest black

The rain keeps pouring

The tears keeps rolling

Her resistance is faltering

She needs to walk away 

.

She will pick herself up once again

She will see this as a past in the eyes of the mirror

The reflection of fond memories and precious moments

The mirror would have to be broken once again

The cracks will remain, serving as a reminder to that little world of hers

Once she walks, it's never turning back like before

A choice has to be made

And that choice it will be

.

Let time heal all pain

Numb all feelings

Let time build the wall once again

This time it will not crumble

It shall not collapse like it did

A promise to herself she made

To protect and to be strong

She cannot and shall not fail herself anymore

Lost in the dark alley

Lost in the dark alley,

Shadows merging from the corner of the each wall,

The sound of dripping water from the pipes above,

*drip* *drip* *drip*

The sound just so synchronise with the sobbing that erupted from the chest

.

Suddenly in the dark alley..feeling lost and confused

The noise that is been in the head...the pounding of conflicts in the heart,

The wanting and unwanting desires of feeling once again

The lost one doesn’t know what to do

To hide in that little dark corner

To curl up as if it hurts so much in the heart

To dig harder and uncover the truth

Or to clam up and play nonchalant to the changes

.

It was not too long ago

The shelter of the tree was offered

The sun was bright, the light was warm

Troubles just drifted with the wind as they grow along

The stable tree, a trusty protection

Protected the lost one from the harsh wind

Provided the lost one with shelter and shade for the past years

The tree...a seed was planted and it grew together with the sunlight and water

With the wonderful aid of the tree

.

Outside the alley,

Down the left fork, by the road,

The tree is still standing there, steadily and sturdily

With his open branches of shelter, shining ever so brightly under the sunlight

Why am is the lost one hiding in the alley, lost like a little puppy, sobbing in the heart

Is it time to move on and step out of the shelter and shade

.

But the tree is in the garden of someone's house

It stands rightfully where it truly belongs

Why does one yearn to have more when contentment was more than enough

Why does one feel something a bit more…

The unfamiliar feeling....the painful truth being dawned right before the eyes

The illusion was created to distort the picture

The tree was never hers

.

With tail between the legs

Whimpering in sadness, looking out of the alley

To look at the tree

Someone has begun to feel

Someone has begun to think

The fear of losing the tree

The fear of losing the shade and shelter

The admission of entering yet another state of vulnerability

Should one stay or should one leave

The tree is calling out

The place will be there....but for how long

Until the leaves wither and fades away

Or when the strength is no longer there to hold on

.

Lost in the dark alley

Crouching in the corner

Shadows as the blanket

Shivering in the cold, numbing the pain in the heart

Creakings of the stoney walls, downing the screams in the head

No chances...

Shutting away is my foremost intention from the beginning....shutting away to me is a way of protecting myself....chances r not given, u create it yourself....for those who are deemed unfit or not strong enough to persist, are most welcome to leave in any point of time...giving a chance to them to love is also giving them a chance to hurt..i have never requested anyone to come near me...i have always forewarn the dangers lurking ahead and disappointment laid out

.

Giving myself another chance to actually believe in others makes me feel like a fool...no doubt my friends will start their family of their own....at least i know i still have them to believe in...i won't be as disappointed in them either...i dun need anyone i reckon...coz i believe my family will be around...who is the other person that will devote his time to me or love me or spend his life with me? who am i to him? who is he to me? Why should i? why should he?

.

juz another person he or i have chosen...chosen to say i will be with him/her, to go thru thick n thin n crap like these....but at the end of the day, they r still juz another person...who has no blood relations whatsoever with u...Wat makes u think they will remain in your life 4ever?

.

Every ride is a joy ride....every ride will has its destinations...and finally every ride will have to come to a stop eventually. And you have to alight with another baggage of burden, unhappiness and disappointment once again...

CLOUD Nine - A Fool's Bliss - Reality Bites

Cloud 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...it's back to the world of reality
The world of dark truth
The world of deceive
The world of hurt
The world of lies
The world of betrayal

.

I don't understand
I doubt i will ever
How one keep opening up their lives and heart to others
Thinking naively that they need love, someone to share their lives with
The feeling of being wanted, the feeling of being loved, the feeling of being held in warm arms
Never to be let go, never to be hurt, never to be betrayed

.

It's so frustrating for me to know
The disillusion we go through
Throwing ourselves in the pit of fire over and over again
Subjecting ourselves to deep gash of hurt, endless deceit, unkind lies, cruel betrayal, continual ridicules and damaging jokes of life

.

I will not deny I am doubtful
I must admit that I am cynical
There are many things that I have seen and went through to make me skeptical
But at least my life is guarded intensely
The walls of barrier are built with steel to prevent penetration of any kind
The heart is harden, the mind is set
The door is locked, with no keys to be found
Rest assure, I will be fine, with scars to carry
I have played the game and failed
My strategy is to be my own master

.

Cloud Nine is nothing but a fool's bliss
Everyone hope to be on Cloud Nine forever
Tricked into believing the feelings to be true and lasting
But once you are bitten by reality, the fall will be unbroken
That's when Cloud Nine becomes the Mother of all lies...Reality Bites

From now on, its My Game, My Rules...

As dim as the light may seem
As heavy as the weight may be
I am trying to take everything at its stride

No matter what it will be
How ever it may end
Time will not stand still
Problems will not disappear
Issues are to be dealt one by one

So why the bitter look?
Why the sad face?
Why the heavy heart?
It is up to one self to stay positive
To determine your own future
Where it begins and how it shall end

Look around for warm hearts
Look around for loving arms
Those who are surrounding you
will lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on

There's no need to search for another
Coz there's nobody you can trust, but yourself
Stand on your own, gain your independency
Rely on no one, that's a strength to be proud of

Don't live in your dreams
Fantasies and wishes don't come true
Reality bites, but that's how our lives will abide by
Fool yourself, you will be the foolish one at the end

Live to learn
Learnt and dont forget the lesson taught
You won't get hurt once you build the defence wall
Strategise your game well
The rule of the game is to be the hunter & predator
AND emerge as the WINNER when you hurt no more...

Devoid of feelings - ANGER!!

How I wish I can be devoid of all feelings

Not be upset, not be angry, not be frustrated, not be pissed off, not be at all affected
When I know, when I expect, the situation to be what it will be
When I can forsee, foretell, the stories and stunts created to spice up the whole show!!

But I can't,
I cannot be not upset!!!
I cannot be not angry!!!

I cannot be not frustrated!!!

I cannot be not pissed off!!!
I cannot be not affected!!!

I am in the situation, where I keep telling myself things are improving
I am in the situation, where I keep pushing myself to move forward
I am in the situation, where I have to tell myself to be level-headed
I am in the situation, where I have to fight for myself and my everything everyday

I hate it when I know there is bound to be games along the way
I hate it when I know there is bound to be glitches caused by the unscrupulous bastard

I hate it when I know the serpent is just sliding away so smoothly
I hate it when I know the serpent is viciously playing the devil games

OOOOOHHH!!!  I am not going to give up my fight!!!

I am so PISSED OFF
I am so FRUSTRATED

But I am not going to fall for his trap
I am not going let him beat me
I am not going to give up till he is beaten by his own vicious, poisonous bite!!

I HATE HIM!!

I HATE HIM!!

I HATE HIM!!

I HATE HIM!!

Guess I got to work harder to be devoid of feelings...keke  =D 

Somehow, Somewhere, Someday

Somehow, I will pass this phase gradually
Somehow, I will cross these hurdles with strong determination
Somehow, I will be on the other side, no matter how far it seems
Somehow, I will survive these ordeals, because I will not admit defeat

Somewhere, there is light at the end
Somewhere, there is happiness in the air
Somewhere, there is peace within one's self
Somewhere, there is hope for a better future

Someday, I will smile with tears in my eyes
Someday, I will laugh with true happiness in my voice
Someday, I might love again, with a guarded heart
Someday, I might trust once more, with open eyes

Today, tomorrow and the day after, I will become a stronger person
Today, tomorrow and the day after, I will be prepared for the battle ahead
Today, tomorrow and the day after, I will be armed with confidence and gain VICTORY...

Juz needed to write somethings =)

2am, I'm still awake
I wonder why
Too many things on my mind

At age 24, going 25
My life seems to be in a mess
In which it's so difficult to clear

Now in the midway of the crossroad I took
Faced with several what not's
Only those who are close will know

Disappointed, not very
It's too anticipated & to the script
Cause I am the director and the leading star of the show

Overwhelmed with uncertainties
No one can predict what lies beyond tomorrow
The ride is going to be a rough one to be on

Armed with nothing but my determination
Those who love me will follow me through
The obstacles ahead will prove to be naught but bumps

The world might have turned it's back on me
The world might have deceive me with beautiful nothings
The world might have led me to a facade make believes
But I HAVE learnt the real, unfake truths of the world

To learn is a blessing
To regret is a baggage of unhappiness
To let go is a process
To grow up is an achievement

Literally, I will be alone on the road
Morally, I have support from closest friends and family
Emotionally, Physically, I have Maia
Blessfully I am not deserted by anyone

Now, Maybe One day...

When you see the smile on my face
Can you see if it reaches my eyes
When you hear my laughter in the room
Can you hear if it is shallow
When you reach out and touch me
Can you feel if I am cold

My eyes were once filled with glittering happiness
My smile was once bright and true
My laughter had once filled the room with geninue joy
My body was once warm and alive

Now my eyes are clouded with uncried tears
Now my smile is a disguise for my deep aches and sadness
Now my laughter sounds like a sorrowful nightingale
Now my body is unfeeling and cold

One day I hope to be happy once more
One day I hope to smile truely to myself
One day I hope to laugh about my problems when it pass
One day I hope I will be filled with warmth and happiness

Maybe one day you'll get to see the twinkle in my eyes that has gone away
Maybe one day you'll discover the blissful smile on my face
Maybe one day you'll hear the geniune laughter filling up the air
Maybe one day you'll see me reborn as a new, happier person...

Please hear my pleas...

The days are so gloomy
The nights are too lonely
The time passes so slowly

My life is gradually disappearing in my very eyes
The pain is eating me alive each single day that goes by
I am always alone
I am so afraid
I am getting weaker instead

I am so tired, emotionally & mentally
When will the tortures & torments be put to a stop?
I am so weary, so exhausted to move on
When will this anguishing, distressful episode end?

I have forgotten the days when my life was wonderfully carefree & happy
Long gone were the times when I was able to look up and say thanks
I can't find the strength to smile & love another anymore
The person that I once were, has been dead for so long
The smile that used to brighten up the days is now used to hide whatever pains inflicted upon me

I can't find the person whom I was able to turn to, speak to
I used to be able to seek solace and warm comfort in Him
I have lost my faith and my believe in Him
Has He abandon me or have I lost my will to feel His guidance
Why can't I feel Him the way I used to

Can't You hear my desperate cries to You every single moment
Can't You feel the hurt I am going through
Can't You understand the enormous turmoil that I am experiencing
Can't You please hold me in Your arms and let me cry
Can't You please hold my hands and walk me through this red, hot fiery path

Where were You when I needed You most
Where are You when my heart yells out for You
Where have You gone to all these while
Where can I seek for You to find the peace in me
Where can I unburden all my worries, sadness, hurts, pains to

Please my Heavenly Father, please let me find You
Please allow Your invisible hand lead me back to Your side
Please do not abandon me, in which my mind and heart has been telling me
Please send me a guardian angel to mend my broken wings
Please take me back into Your warm & loving family which I once belong
Please teach me to be Your child once more...

It was because of us, You forsaken Your Only Son
It was in His blood that flows down the mountain, across the ocean to wash away our sins
It was You who brought miracles into people's lives
It is I who is pleading to You and Your works in mine now...

One of those analogy in Life?

Staring out at the open sea
Hoping to find some peace within
Listening to the sound of the waves
Looking the endless horizon across the ocean
So amazed how beautiful nature can be

 

My life's full of uncertainties
My mind's filled with unanswered questions
My heart's burden with unspoken worries
My eyes' speaks of endless sadness

 

You know, life can be like the waves
Constantly crashing into the reefs
Back and fro, day in day out
The reefs are like the problems we faced in our life
Constantly being there for us to hit into
Never going away, not moving, refusing to budge a single bit

 

I once felt my life's like a wooden plank drifting on the waves
When it crashed into the reefs, it seems like my life did the same
I was left all alone to pick up the pieces
Floating, waiting to let go and drown

Yet, we can choose to view the reefs as our life
Though constantly being battered by the waves
The reefs remain standing strong, and not break into bits and pieces
Picking up things along the way, unwittingly building and becoming stronger
That's how we should be, no matter how bad problems seem to be
We need to stand firm and become stronger to withstand all issues, big or small
Take the problems as it comes and not bowing down to defeat

Life...is something amazing just like the sea
Life...can be as beautiful as the nature
Life...can be as fragile as the floating wooden plank on the water or as strong as the reefs, however you choose it to be
Life...is like the endless horizon you see way beyond the sea, with choices and options, paths on the road to carefully select from
It is how strong, determined one is, to make life as deep as the ocean...as meaningful as the nature begins its cycle everyday...

Simply you!

You are constantly with excuses
The words that comes out from your mouth is so inconsistent with your promised actions
Your life is made up of lies and stories
You have more stories than Ronald Dahl and Danielle Steels combined

Ask yourself what you have done
Or more appropriately, what have you not done
Simple responsibilities asked of you seems to be so difficult
Your brain is always cooking up new receipes, feeding your insecurities for every passing moment
To present yet another issue you are "facing" that prevents you from performing your duties

Have you ever thought of writing a script of your pathetic life
Your life is nothing but a joke
You are living a life of a person who is constantly begging for acceptance
You are the do-er of your life
So blame yourself and no one else

You are in absolute no position to criticize neither me nor anyone
You are obviously still in denial of your wrong-doings
You have no authority to question me in my duties
'Cause as far as I am concerned, I have done and am still doing everything asked of me
Will always be striving to do even more
I have never shun away from any of my responsibilities

Excellent development, good influence, outstanding upbringing is the works of a responsible, dependable, trustworthy, reliable person
Not one who claims to be, not one who pretends to be
But one who works towards it, who walks the talk and practice the preach
Can you name one of the above attributes that you possibly might have
You are just the total opposite
What makes you think you are fit to be in her life

You are zilch
You are nonentity
You deserve no pity or sympathy
You will serve better by simply stop lying, creating stories and acting your shows
Just by merely walking out without a single trace...you are doing justice in her life
I assure you, you will be forgotten almost immediately

A Dedication to those who left and came back to my life

It has been years since we last met
It's been 8, 9, 10 or even 12 years since we heard of each others' news
It has truly been a long long time...

How are you?
How's life been treating you?
What has changed and what has not changed?
These are just basic simple questions to ask...

What i really want to know is:
If you are doing really well,
If you have been happy all these years,
If you are surrounded by people who loves you truly

And if in all these years...along the way...
If you have been hurt
If you have been sad
If you have been let-down by people who matters
If you have been disappointed
If you have fallen
If you have shed a single tear...
I want to say I'm so sorry for not alwayz being there...

I want you to know
No matter how we ended our friendship, our relationship, our love
No matter how we were hurt by each other, diasppointed with each other or drifted away from each other
I am glad to have found you once more
To have you in my life again

I don't wish to lose you again
I don't wish to know you are alone again
I don't wish to not be there to share your happiness and woes
If you treat me as your friend like before, let our life open to each other and embrace the road ahead of us in our friendship, our relationship and our love...

We were once together
We were once best of friends
We were once an item
We were once inseparable
We can do that again if our sincerity combines together to be one...

Happiness...

To me, happiness is knowing that i will be waking up, having Maia next to me every morning...

To me, happiness is the anticipation of going home after work, knowing that Maia is waiting at the door for me...

To me, happiness is the noisy chatter that Maia makes, which is translated to the most wonderful sound of music to my heart...

To me, happiness is seeing Maia so mischievious and cheeky even till to the very minute she falls asleep...

To me, happiness is to put Maia to bed every night, listening to her sing her l'il songs...

To me, happiness is to hear Maia calls out everyone, even the cat's name, except "Mommy..."

To me, happiness is to be able to discipline Maia when she is naughty...

To me, happiness is to be able to wipe the tears away from her face, take away her fears and to assure her everything's going to be alright...

To me, happiness is seeing Maia grow every single day, every single hour, every single minute and every single second...

To me, happiness is having to know, I will be protecting and guiding Maia with my life till the day I leave this world...

To me, happiness is unlocking the Mother's instinct, to know I can be very brave when it comes to Maia...

To me, Maia is my greatest source of happiness, strength and reason to promise myself to work for a better future for us...

It may be the end of a bad beginning...the end of the road...but not the end of the world...

It may have been a devastating experience in life...but lessons learnt have not been lost....

It may have marked a certain scar in me for long...but to have gain something more valuable cannot be exchanged...

It may be seen as regrets...but seeing Maia, it will be worth the journey to travel through and grow together with her, leaving all baggage of sadness and regrets behind...

Maia - my l'il sunshine in the midst of the gloomy skies...

Nothing but dry tears...

If I were to say, I really, really, really feel like crying, will anyone think me of being weak? If I were to pour my eyes out because my heart somehow feels so heavy, will it show my vulnerability? Will it be seen through that I am not at all as strong as I wish I made myself to be?

If my tears start rolling despite my fullest control, will there be anyone to see, to hear, to know? If my heart is truly hurting, will it be invisible enough to hide from the world? If I succeed in subduing the hurt I am feeling, will I be numb in time to come? If my sadness show in my eyes, will the laughter I portray be enough to mask my tears?

If I want to talk to someone, will my voice stop quivering? If I keep everything inside me, will they gradually be forgotten? If I keep myself busy, will I be in denial of emotion feelings? If I start to fall on my knees and break down, will I be able to stand up again?

Will I actually still have tears falling like the rain?...or will it be nothing but dry tears?...

Don't say...

Don't say you love me, coz I don't believe in love anymore
Don't say you miss me, coz it's only a word from your lips, not from your heart
Don't say you need me, coz no one needs anyone in their life

Don't say I am yours, coz i belong to no one
Don't say I am your life, coz we were doing fine when we didn't know each other
Don't say I am selfish, coz you were too

Don't say I am vulnerable, coz I am still standing on my own
Don't say I am looking for someone, coz I trust no one
Don't say I am seeking for solace, coz the only comfort is given by no one but myself

Don't say I was hurt, coz I am still hurting
Don't say I am sad, coz you can't see the burning tears
Don't say comforting words to me, coz you simply can't feel the pain

Don't say I am running away, coz I am facing four walls everyday
Don't say I am skeptical, coz I am just being practical and realistic
Don't say I am heartless, coz my heart beats for no one else but myself & my girl

Please don't say anything else, coz nothing you say will mean anything anymore...

Darkness...by Christinia

If only it were so simple,
to cruise through life smelling roses;
but the obstacles blacken the countryside,
and we unwittingly crush them beneath our boots.

Dreams sustain us through the madness;
goals give a finish line to our race.
Yet they change with every turn, around every wall,
and remain elusive throughout the quest.

Mistakes are made, and regrets are our luggage;
we will drag them with us to slow us down.
The victories are flashes of light, sudden and unlasting, which allow us
to glimpse the road ahead before darkness descends.

Love is bitter, yet it is the bread that keeps us.
Over and over it fills us up, only to starve us.
The people whom we love shape our destinies and our strengths,
yet leave us cold and alone in the darkness.

There are others trying to race to the end;
occasionally, we bump into one or two.
The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness.

Alone is not a bad way to be;
it clears your head and focuses you on the journey.
Cherish the short intervals during the quest you have with others,
but be prepared to walk alone in the darkness.

A Mother's Child

A mother's child is every breath that she takes,
walking hand in hand, they are every step that she makes.

And as their steps will grow to strides,
still a child, in mother's eyes.

Every ache and pain they shall feel,
mother will share and with love she will kneel.

She will pray to God to take care of her child,
to protect and guide them through every mile.

Her child is the very core of her soul,
from baby in arms to an adult they will grow.

For to a mother, her child will stay,
the precious infant she held that day.